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Looking for girlfriend > 30 years > I need a girlfriend not a mother

I need a girlfriend not a mother

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What if he likes his locks a little long, or was planning to schedule an appointment right before you said something? At some point, he learned how to shave and book salon appointments on his own, meaning he has all the tools he needs to act like a grown-up. That also goes for getting his suits dry-cleaned and going shopping for new shirts when his old ones get holes. As promised, the next time I forgot to move them, she covered them in honey, put them outside, and let ants crawl all over them.

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: I DO NOT have a girlfriend mum!!!

My Ex Said That She Felt Like My Mother, Rather Than My Girlfriend

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See our Cookie Policy for more information. You can change cookie settings in your browser at any time. Otherwise, we'll assume you're OK to continue. Every month Maggi Stamp , a qualified and experienced relationship counsellor for Relate and in private practice, writes about some of the emotional challenges we meet in later life.

For reasons of confidentiality Maggi never writes about a particular person's problems unless you have sent one in to be answered, but all her examples are based on problems raised by clients, family and friends over the years. You can write to Maggi at maggi laterlife. Sue, not her real name, has written to tell me of her problems with her son and his long-term girlfriend. It is a reminder of how far we have to travel emotionally in our adult lives.

She says, "Our middle son is twenty-one and at university. He comes home mainly every other weekend, and his girlfriend goes up to visit him at university when he doesn't come to us. So they see each other nearly every other weekend. They have been together for four years. Her parents are divorced and both are remarried, and she is determined to remain close to her mother. But then we found out from a friend that he had been back to stay with his girlfriend without letting us know.

Our relationship with him deteriorated as a result. He said he would be staying at her flat. I suggested taking them out for a meal the night before her birthday so she could spend time with her mother on the actual day.

He accepted, said that would be great and would check it out. When I called, I told him how hurt and rejected I felt. He didn't see that there was a problem and said that I was just giving him grief, even when I explained that the meal was an opportunity to see him as well as to celebrate the girlfriend's birthday.

He agreed and I thanked him, but when I began to suggest the time we should meet, he changed his mind and said he couldn't cancel. I reminded him that the original arrangements were with us but that he had felt that it was ok to cancel. I feel very upset and fear this could be a pattern for the future, bearing in mind the old adage - 'a daughter is a daughter for all her life, but a son's a son until he finds a wife'. Maggi Says: Yes Sue, your son has been less than courteous, as you say, in letting you down, but he is caught between two people he loves and is still finding his way in terms of using his powers of negotiation, communication, understanding and empathy.

Sometimes it is just too hard for a young person to 'walk a mile in our shoes'. As parents we try hard to make sense of what motivates our offspring, to see things from their perspective. Perhaps we do this more readily because we have been where they are now, but they have not been - and won't be for many years, where we are! It sounds as if there are lots of strands to this situation. Your son is at university, and in the process of separating himself from the parental home.

You, his mother, are missing him, wishing he were at home more. His long-term girlfriend happens to live in the same area and that's where your son seems to want to spend his time. He still visits home, but less than you would like.

As parents, you are good communicators and are used to being his central support. His girlfriend's parents are divorced and remarried and she tries to be inclusive of her mother. Maybe your son has been trapped by his own attempts to keep everyone he cares about happy.

This rebounded on him and when he realised it he panicked, showed his frustration and expressed himself clumsily on the 'phone. It takes some time and a few hard lessons to get the hang of dealing with the unexpected, e. He could have handled this situation differently, but it is better for both people involved in a conversation to work out how each can reach the other. It sounds as though you, Sue, have been able in the past to talk very openly with him, and this is a very important foundation to have.

Used gently and sparingly, it is always the strong point of family relationships. What can you do now? Acknowledge how hard it is for your son trying to please everyone all at once. Though you are inevitably hurt by being dropped at the last minute, let your son know you want to avoid either party being in the same situation again. Work out together how this might be handled better in the future. Let your son know you understand that this event was naturally centred around his girlfriend and it felt important to include her mother.

Your son has a life that is separate from the family now. He will always be a part of it I am sure, but essentially he will be making decisions influenced more by his new life than his old. What sounds hard is that for you it feels as if you are losing him.

One of the tough things for parents is the letting go of our boy or girl and getting used to the man or woman that they are becoming. Yet paradoxically, it is only by letting go of the child that we can enjoy the love and presence of the adult they have become. If you have been the 'good enough' parent - and I don't doubt from what you write that you are, your adult son will be there, using everything you have given him throughout his childhood, even though it may take time for him to make his journey and get the balance right.

PS A wise friend once told me, many years ago, that to celebrate her own birthday she took presents to her mother as thanks for bringing her into the world, acknowledging all the hard work and dedication that it involves. It made me think rather differently about my own birthday expectations.

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Stay up to date on the wealth of new information, articles, competitions and offers we publish each month. What's happening for you? Relationships - It could be you Special Celebration? Trying to stay fit? Searching for a job? Wondering what to do? New Interests? Holidaying alone? Feeling Nostalgic? Voluntary work? Managing Money? Relationships - 25 It could be you Am I losing my son to his girlfriend? Top of page About us Advertising on laterlife.

The Best Advice for the Military Girlfriend

Um, what?! Even J. At some point, he really needs to step up to the plate and come to terms with the simple fact that you are his girlfriend and not his mom. Helping him out every now and then is acceptable enough, but being expected to take care of his laundry along with the mounting list of things that are already on your to-do list is definitely not something you need in a man or man-child, for that matter. At some point, you should probably accept the obvious: nobody is perfect and even bae makes mistakes sometimes.

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! She is seeking support, friendship and acceptance into the military community.

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Relationships - 25

She's smart, strong, and beautiful, but also a bit of a mystery. How can you make this relationship work? And how do you let her know that you're not just playing games—without getting overly involved too soon? Her time is limited, and much of her energy goes toward taking care of her kids. Instead of taking the limits on her time as a slight, learn to look for other expressions of her feelings for you. The only exception to this rule is if she specifically asks for your support or help. Never attempt to handle the issue yourself without discussing it with her first. She's been doing a pretty good job up to this point! Instead, take it slow and focus on developing trust before you take your relationship to the next level. As a single mom, there is a tremendous amount of pressure on your girlfriend to provide for her children financially and emotionally.

7 Ways to Avoid Becoming His Mom

A woman might put up with that type of relationship dynamic in the beginning, but if she secretly wants a real man that she can look up to and respect, she will eventually get tired of feeling like the stronger one in the relationship and dump her guy. If your ex said that she felt like your mother, rather than your girlfriend, you may have made one or more of the following mistakes:. Whatever she wants to do is fine by me as long as it makes her happy. She will love me for not being selfish like other guys.

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Because the NFL Draft was all virtual, there was ample opportunity for hilarious, unscripted moments to happen inside of each draft pick's living room. Normally, only a handful of first-rounders are home for the draft, while the rest go on stage, throw on their new team's hat and shake hands with Commissioner Roger Goodell. But on Thursday night, all 32 picks were at home and all 32 zoomed in. The best moment of the night appeared to come from the living room of Oklahoma wide receiver CeeDee Lamb, who had the biggest microscope on him since he was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys.

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The author is 65 years old. Happily married with two grown children. The book Unknown Mom came about many years of research and deciding to write a book about her life.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Where's the Bathroom? (feat. Tovah Feldshuh) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"

You nag him constantly about everything. Expecting him to be home by 10 p. You wear the pants in the relationship. You control everything about him, from the way he dresses to what he should eat and how he should spend his money. He has no opinions on anything anymore. He relies on you for everything.

Dating a Single Mom: 9 Success Tips for Making It Work

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12 Things You Need to Know about Dating Someone in Recovery Karen Nagy. with her alcoholic relatives who were not in recovery. Her mom Donna's parents were alcoholics, and she was sent to live with a foster mother at age sixteen.

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Comments: 3
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  2. Tauzilkree

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  3. Salmaran

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